Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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