So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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