I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
