did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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