Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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