he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
