bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
