Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
