I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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