If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
