he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
