It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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