The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need to align my fucking chakras
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
