he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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