but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
