I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
