just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
