Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
