that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
