he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Say something about gay babies.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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