Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
