capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
