I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
