Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My feet surprised me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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