OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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