my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
