I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
bring money and cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
