she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
