Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
