Your mouth is God's brothel.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
