She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
