i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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