I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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