i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
