my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
