Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
