The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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