If i come over, it means nothing
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
