Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so that wasnt chicken after all
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
