she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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