You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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