Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
