theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
