im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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