How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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