Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have aggressive nipples.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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