You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
