Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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