Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
