using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize