If that was your dad, he is hot
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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