She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
