with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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