This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
