I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
3pm strippers are depressing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
