At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize