Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i out mim tonsoeep
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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