My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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