Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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