The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
