I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
