she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize