he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
two words: eviction party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
