he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
