My first STD was from a foam party
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
