it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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