Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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